I
do not consider breakfast cereals to be a simple foodstuff. Think about the time you spend on each aisle
of the supermarket. Fruit and veg takes
no time at all; meat (for those that eat it) is more often than not a snatch
and grab for the cheapest, and usually most oppressed, slice of animal flesh;
dairy is a no brainer and booze is generally straightforward. These are 4 of the 5 key sections of my
weekly groceries, but their sum is dwarfed by the fifth corner of the pentagon:
breakfast cereals. We’d be lying if we
said we had never spent entire Saturday afternoons in the “Cereals” section of
Tesco, salivating, sweating, crying and nervously vomiting. So much choice, so many possibilities and
combinations, but there’s only so much room in the kitchen cupboards. We can’t just eat cereal (unless we’re in
heaven). Even if the bible states thus,
and I’m pretty sure it does, we can’t bank on heaven having unlimited supplies
of cereal any more than we can be certain of its existence. You’ve got to have faith, I suppose.
I
remember last time I was buying I blacked out for about five minutes, and
soiled myself (piss and shit), trying to decide what type of Dorset Cereal to
utilise as a base for the Kellogg’s Crunch Nut I had already committed to. Always choose your bowl base first, people
(mueslis, granolas, shredded wheat, etc).
The
fervent undertaking of evolving their products is what causes the big cereal
companies to lead people like myself, and probably a lot of you, to an early
grave via stress induced illnesses and/or strokes. For all the times the have missed the board
entirely (Orange Chocolate Shreddies?
Strawberry Grahams?) occasionally they will hit the bullseye – or triple
twenty if this is a darts metaphor; I think I was going for archery or target
shooting. From evolving something as
simple as Weetabix, the identically named company have found something that this
writer wholly believes in. They have won
the steeple chase(?), or battled for a point at Bayern Munich. What?
Sarcastically: Who’d have thought
making your product smaller and loading it with chocolate chips would improve
it so extraordinarily?
Taste:
CC Weetabix Minis taste great big love thank you. The chocolate chips have that cheap, powdery
feel about them, but I’m no chocolate connoisseur and I like that taste in my
breakfast cereal. It’s not like Coco Monkey
covers his Pops in gourmet Belgian chocolate FFS.
8/10
Milk
Taste:
You don’t get a powerful taste seeping into the milk, but a robust
milkiness works perfectly with the cereal.
This is one of these cereals which benefits from fresh milk. Get your milk right when eating these. In fact, always buy fresh milk when buying CC
Weetabix Minis.
8/10
Texture:
If CC Weetabix Minis were Ryan Giggs, texture would be their ability as a
footballer and/or sleeping with their brother’s wife and still being adored
nationwide. I feel this is the strongest
part of this cereal. They don’t go soggy
within a minute like their full sized ancestors, placing them at a respectable
4 on the DCSI. I believe they are
subject to the Cereal Killer Coating Hypothesis also, there is some sort of
sugary layer going on there, but it is subtle.
10/10
Packaging:
The dark brown allows them to be quickly identified as the chocolate chip
variety (fruit and nut is sort of berry purple, strawberry is red). I like how the different carieties are the
same, other than the colour indicator.
The archetypal milk splashing over a bowl image is boring, but it gets
me every time.
 |
| Chocolate Crisp Weetabix Minis |
7/10
Relevence
of Mascot: N/A – points assigned to packaging
Potential:
My favourite thing about CC Weetabix Minis is that you can eat them dry as
though a real life biscuit, not merely a “bix”.
I regularly enjoy mine with an after work coffee. They do get dry after a while, but
satisfyingly blunten the edge of your post work hunger.
7/10
Overall:
A respectable score for one of my favourite lab experiment cereals. This summer, if you Weetabix, Weetabix Mini
(with chocolate chips).
8/10
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